As you may or may not have noticed, Emergency Meditations has been on somewhat of a hiatus since August, lining up neatly with the beginning of the fall semester and a return to teaching. There is the element of time — finding it, making it — at play in my absence here, but there is also a larger question that has been nagging me about the project and what it wants to be. When I first envisioned Emergency Meditations as a newsletter, I felt extremely unbothered by pressures of growth or visibility, as this was simply an opportunity to pause and reflect through poetry during an undeniably chaotic time. I didn’t realize I was joining Substack exactly as it was growing two or three more heads, becoming another social media monster where there is an expectation to perform — in every sense of that word. Just as I was trying to back away from the noisy posturing of the Internet, I accidentally stepped right into its bubbly goo. This platform has introduced all sorts of features meant to gamify the exchange of writing, or replicate the feeds of so many scroll-inducing apps: notes (tweets); statistics for everything—how many clicks, how many visits, the rate of openings. And like any game, it is tempting to keep playing — to get better; to win.
I believe in the project and the point of writing each week with an open hand stretched toward all of you. But I am fatigued at the idea of branding myself, chasing subscribers, competing with other authors. What do I do now? I don’t want to let anyone down, especially those of you who have so generously supported this monetarily. I’m thinking maybe I will try to write just one big Emergency Meditation each month, still keeping the spirit alive but downshifting from the hustle-baiting mentality of this platform’s churn. Does one post each month feel like enough to stay subscribed here? Do you enjoy those deeper dives into themes and artists from history? I don’t want to lose the drive to keep writing this work, and think it’s worth sharing for an audience of any size who is looking for a little peace, a little possibility.
Let me know what you think.
I completely support resisting Substack’s pressure to quantify your work by branding yourself. And aren’t they really pressuring you to act as a shill to brand themselves? Resist. I look forward to once a month musings - or once a year - or whatever feels right to you.